I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
