I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
