...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Let's paint friendship bongs
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize