Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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