Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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