Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
