I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
