; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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