im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
