sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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