He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
