Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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