i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
