if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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