found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
