Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
