You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
