he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
