I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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