I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
