The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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