Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
