God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
