I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Barsexuality is the new black.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
