Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize