i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
