Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
