the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
