he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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