I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize