This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
