It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
