You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
