i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
FUCK WHALES
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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