she woke up with a sticky ear
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
