I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
