tell your sister to shave her snatch
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
