What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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