My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
