***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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