Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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