Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I deserve this hangover.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
