I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just pee around me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
