Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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