Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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