I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
