what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
