Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
