Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and she was petting her beer can
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
