wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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