we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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