I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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