I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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