note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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