how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
