you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
