Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
