I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize