why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
