rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
