oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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