u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
