ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
