I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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