drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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