me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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